“I cheated myself, like I knew I would. I told you I was trouble, you know that I’m no good.”
London always comes to me good. Last time when I arrived I was keen on to left all my frustration behind. Therefore, I put my head towards something to heal my wounds and wanted to spend time in so far away. It actually worked and helped me to boost my black mood .
There is a fact about me that when I am down I am indeed living in the deep and when I get hurt by people I do put myself into the mute mode. In those times, all I can ever be to people is just to be myself, nothing more or nothing less. I don’t neither claim to be pathetic nor make a drama with at all. It’s just about when you know things went wrong and even you put your best intention but did not work out. It’s a less like screw you but it’s a lot more like its a shame it’s done because you know you could have something amazing. But I can go with an indestructible way, and still manage a half smile on my face. Even if I don’t, I don’t think I am capable of approaching life negative anyway. I try not to get angry about anything because once you start hating one aspect of your life, you look around and think everything is fucked up. It’s much more beneficial if you can only take goodness out of everything. And I never waste time with game players. I am more like ‘I like you, do you like me? Let’s go and do something about it.’ I am a very straightforward person like that.
When I was at the Stansted Airport (London) with all my confusion I was talking to myself in my head about how my life supposed to be now. I knew that I just did not want to back home. I then stumbled upon some newspapers and magazines standing next on my left seat. On one of them , I saw a picture of a woman. It was Amy Winehouse. All of a sudden , it attracted my attention – her Fred Perry clothing was really nice- and I just started to read her friend’s interview about next coming film of “Amy”. I believe what attracted me most was about the way of her honesty. She was like any person that you could be close friend and when I come home I watched a documentary about her life on Youtube. It is called “The Untold Story of Amy Winehouse “. I highly recommend you to watch this documentary. It gave me a chance to learn more about her and what I finally witnessed was how a woman can be devastated for love in the drug-fiend relationship. All those lyrics were totally magic, giving you a clear sense that every one of them comes from the bottom of her heart. She was straight-forward person too , I saw the sincerity at her work . I saw the sadness in all those words whole-heartedly. To commemorate lyrics of ‘Back to Black – ( song attriutes for on-off relationship with Blake Fielder Civil) she’s saying ‘We only said goodbye with words, I died hundred times… And my tears dry, get on without my guy.. ” And others great songs with many punchlines.
Afterall, Amy Winehouse is being an exception for me among all these celebrities and found myself with a common-shared pain with her. Whenever I listen her songs I can exactly understand what does she mean like she attributes them to many like me. Thus I distinguished her among other famous personalities as she makes me believe to her genuineness very much. I just came to point with empathy where I think twice before I critise her. I looked myself and saw the some sort of pain over different things in my life and reminded myself if I was her maybe I would be like her too. She’s once said: ”I don’t think I am going to be at all famous, I don’t think I could handle it. I would probably gone mad.” Indeed , she gone mad.
RIP Amy , We Will Remember You Through Your Music and lovely North – London accent…