6 Years On: Amy Winehouse Still Inspires People With Her Passion for Love & Music 

“I cheated myself, like I knew I would. I told you I was trouble, you know that I’m no good.”

London always comes to me good. Last time when I arrived I was keen on to left all my frustration behind. Therefore, I put my head towards something to heal my wounds and wanted to spend time in so far away. It actually worked and helped me to boost my black mood .
There is a fact about me that when I am down I am indeed living in the deep and when I get hurt by people I do put myself into the mute mode. In those times, all I can ever be to people is just to be myself, nothing more or nothing less. I don’t neither claim to be pathetic nor make a drama with at all. It’s just about when you know things went wrong and even you put your best intention but did not work out. It’s a less like screw you but it’s a lot more like its a shame it’s done because you know you could have something amazing. But I can go with an indestructible way, and still manage a half smile on my face. Even if I don’t,  I don’t think I am capable of approaching life negative anyway. I try not to get angry about anything because once you start hating one aspect of your life, you look around and think everything is fucked up. It’s much more beneficial if you can only take goodness out of everything.  And I never waste time with game players. I am more like ‘I like you, do you like me? Let’s go and do something about it.’ I am a very straightforward person like that.

When I was at the Stansted Airport (London) with all my confusion I was talking to myself in my head about how my life supposed to be now. I knew that I just did not want to back home. I then stumbled upon some newspapers and magazines standing next on my left seat. On one of them , I saw a picture of a woman. It was Amy Winehouse. All of a sudden , it attracted my attention  – her Fred Perry clothing was really nice- and I just started to read her friend’s interview about next coming film of “Amy”. I believe what attracted me most was about the way of her honesty. She was like any person that you could be close friend and when I come home I watched a documentary about her life on Youtube. It is called “The Untold Story of Amy Winehouse “. I highly recommend you to watch this documentary. It gave me a chance to learn more about her and what I finally witnessed was how a woman can be devastated for love in the drug-fiend relationship. All those lyrics were totally magic, giving you a clear sense that every one of them comes from the bottom of her heart. She was straight-forward person too , I saw the sincerity at her work . I saw the sadness in all those words whole-heartedly. To commemorate lyrics of ‘Back to Black – ( song attriutes for on-off relationship with Blake Fielder Civil) she’s saying ‘We only said goodbye with words, I died hundred times… And my tears dry, get on without my guy..  ” And others great songs with many punchlines.

Afterall, Amy Winehouse is being an exception for me among all these celebrities and found myself with a common-shared pain with her. Whenever I listen her songs I can exactly understand what does she mean like she attributes them to many like me. Thus I distinguished her among other famous personalities as she makes me believe to her genuineness very much. I just came to point with empathy where I think twice before I critise her. I looked myself and saw the some sort of pain over different things in my life and reminded myself if I was her maybe I would be like her too. She’s once said: ”I don’t think I am going to be at all famous, I don’t think I could handle it. I would probably gone mad.” Indeed , she gone mad.

RIP Amy , We Will Remember You Through Your Music and lovely North – London accent…


“You Send Me Flying (Cherry)” 

Lent you outsiders and my new Badu
While you were thinking I didn’t have a clue

Tough to sort files with your voice in my head

So then I bribed you downstairs with a Marlboro red

And now I feel so small discovering you knew

How much more torture would you have put me through?

You probably saw me laughing at all your jokes

Or how I did not mind when you stole all my smokes

And although my pride is not easy to disturb
You sent me flying when you kicked me to the curb

With your battered jeans and your beastie tee

Now I can’t work like this with you next to me

And although he’s nothing in the scheme of my years
It just serves to bludgeon my futile tears

And I’m not use to this, no, no; I observe, yeah, I don’t chase

So now I sit with consequences, thrust in my face

And the melodramas of my day deliver blows

That surpass your rejection it just goes to show

A simple attraction that reflects right back to me

So I’m not as into you as I appear to be

And although my pride is not easily disturbed
You sent me flying when you kick-kicked me to the curb

With your battered jeans and your beastie tee

Now I can’t work like this with you next to me

His message was brutal but the delivery was kind
Maybe if I get this down I’ll get it off my mind

It serves to condition me and smoothed my kinks

Despite my frustration for the way that he thinks

And I knew the truth, when it came, would be to that effect

At least you’re attracted to me which I did not expect

Didn’t think you get my number down and such

But I never hated myself for my age so much

And although my pride is not easy to disturbed
You sent me flying when you kicked me to the curb

So with your battered jeans and your beastie tee

Now I can’t work like this with you next to me

June 2015

This summer has been a particularly special! The more I think about the time at the London School Of Economics and Political Science, I get more excited to back to university. I keep thinking about the campus and the other little things that make me so pleased about the thought of study there! The little bars, pubs, cafes, libraries and common rooms hidden in this campus.  Lse_library_interior

On the fourth day in London , i attended to a public conference at the LSE, which inspires many as dream.. As soon as i got there, I found my way to the main entrance, lost myself on campus, sorted out the university map, and got a tour of the main buildings.

To begin with, let me describe Houghton Street or the “LSE high street” – the main road down the middle of the LSE campus which ends on the Aldwych (in London you cannot get more central than the Aldwych). It has only LSE buildings all the way down, except a little non-LSE cafe and a NatWest right at the very end.


But this was just the beginning. When I walked behind the campus, I was truly amazed by the atmosphere of New Academic Building. I haven’t seen this building before , even I passed many times by the SE high street. The Waterstones bookshop is also there – my spesific favoruite place – , standing next to the St Clement’s Library. Most probably , one of the places I enjoyed lot has been this bookshop.

The smell of the old books and the wood on the floor, old lights, little sunshine trying to coming from little windows was on the roof. There wasn’t much to explain but I just let the atmosphere to fill my soul up. I allowed move the time a bit forward, when I would studying with my new friends which were more friendly. I almost saw people who I would call ‘close friends’ on the up coming weeks and then had it all away in the smoke of the fantasies.

21186544In total , the short LSE campus tour has been definitely excited. All places at LSE were so ancient and beautiful, resonating millions of lives of all the people walked through the up and down the stairs. A stairs connected weirdly each other wasn’t so differet from a perfect labyrinth structure. I was struggling to find my little space in this ecosystem and yet I already see it: the college is like a noisy beehive. A vast code of unwritten rules regulates the way people walk around, what they eat, what they decide to talk about, where they go. The only thing I was trying that to adapt this beehive. I felt completely alone, yet perfectly fine.

I looked around curiosly, during 40 mins bus trip to get back the house. How many times would I have catched the bus that early in the evening or day, to leave the city lights and go home? I couldn’t wait to see all seasons pass by there while looking at the buildings, and the trees, and the flowers.

London didn’t exist until minutes ago and now it was home to my deepest feelings of love, calm and happiness of past days.




It is true that the point where you back off from people you start to see things clear. Once i gave a long credit to them, trust them, taught to  take my part and then everything is just gone.
I am absolutely petrified at the thought that not one of the people I could rely on anymore in my little adventure.

So, not sure I really understand people. But I’ll give it a go. Sad I became used to it/people and as things take over anyone’s life, people change. Hard to remember as you was the part of someone’s routine. But in the end you see who worth for , how easily they overlook you when they want to go away.

Right now , I am impatiently want come back to people on their first huge disappointment in their life. The second, of all times where I spend from my comfort zone, people at least must have loyal to put their mind and understand what does that mean of being me.

I’m confused for the long days and for the feeling of everything being new, untouched, unexplored on me. I had been in the middle of frustrated feelings so many times, but this time I am going to stretch my temporal horizon almoIst indefinitely and going through all the thoughts of so much uncertainty.

Now I have one thing in mind: I don’t know for how long  I would be allowed to stick around, it would be absolutely important to enjoy every second of my time. I have to go on. I have to keep on running.  I’m running through lonely days, happy days , difficult days, beautiful days. I hide my secrets among the buildings, I find new dreams in the streets, try to lose every fear of myself and spend no day without feeling grateful for being part of this wonderful creature.