When it’s over, Mary Oliver

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“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

Mary Oliver

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From my personal diary (10/11/2014)

Unsolvable problems and sickness, I have to go on. I have to keep on running.

For years I am still running. I dream of running at night, I think of it when my mind is free from other images and memories. I am running through lonely days, happy days, difficult days, beautiful days. I am exploring the life so in depth that I now often find myself navigating its streets at night like a quick rat.

I hide my secrets among the buildings, I find new dreams in the gardens, I lose every fear of death and I spend no day without feeling grateful for being part of this wonderful creature.

I was scared I wouldn’t do it. At first because of sickness, then because of loneliness, and then because of sadness. I fought so hard I thought I would collapse. I didn’t – I actually found myself – and around me I found a few wonderful friends – I found the strength of cutting the ties to my past sorrow and move on.

Now I have one thing in mind: I didn’t know for how long I would be allowed to stick around, so it would have been absolutely important to enjoy every single second of my time in life.

Unsolvable problems and sickness, I would have gone on. I would have kept on running. Having passed hard times, I’m still not tired of this wonderful adventure. I am happily lost in this triumph of life. And I keep on running.

Strangely now I feel like I am as unlimited, unexplored and beautiful as an ocean.

The adventure goes on.