Portobello Road

From-Portobello-Road-in-Notting-Hill.-Photo-courtesy-of1

Portobello Road.

She saw it in the movie ‘Notting Hill’, but she had never been and she really didn’t feel the need to do it. That’s probably why, the first time she went there, she just felt amazed by its beauty. It was the last week of hot August days. Sun was sparkling in the sky, and the warm wind was blowing.

The smell of old books, accessories comes from glorious Victorian age, unreleased albums, vintage vinyls, first publish of Charles Dickens works, and all other second hand stuff. They all were still carrying the one’s soul in it. She felt this. She did like to imagine how many different minds and bodies could touched them and left something from themselves while she was leaving hers.

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Portobello road with his secluded markets in the middle still has the clear traces of Virginia Woolf and her friends from the Bloomsbury club. Such a pristine collection of details, images, clothes, and colours that look like they’re stuck in a timeless dimension. And then she bumped into the ‘Travel Books Shop’ from the ‘Notting Hill’, people walking in all directions, the noises coming from the shops; it all feels like a village in the heart of the metropolis, and everyone is so vividly aware of this and is happy to play a part in the play of the happy town routines.

Time felt like it was frozen all of a sudden. And she felt amazed by the way everything around her was clicking into place at that. She remembered that it was the moment she would never have again as the exact way again, not for changes on millions faces, but also changes in her own. A moment only comes for that time, come true with that people, with that feelings, and with thats of her.

Portobello Road didn’t exist until minutes ago and now it was home to her deepest feelings of love, calm and happiness.

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July 2011

In the summer of 2011, the second week of the July, it finally happened. She got accepted to a college, bought a seven weeks ticket to London, packed up a small bag, made her feelings high in the airport, and left.

In the first she arrived to school as soon as possible she got her university ID, lost herself on campus, found her way back to the main entrance, sorted out her new phone number, listened to a soft music and got a tour of the main library. Buildings was so ancient and beautiful, they resonate millions of lives of all the people walked through the up and down the stairs. A stairs connected weirdly each other wasn’t so differet from a perfect labyrinth structure. She was struggling to find her little space in this ecosystem and yet she already see it: the college is like a noisy beehive. A vast code of unwritten rules regulates the way people walk around, what they eat, what they decide to talk about, where they go. The only thing she was trying that to adapt this beehive. She felt completely alone, yet perfectly fine.

But this was just the beginning. When she went two stairs down she was truly and utterly amazed by this. The smell of the old books and the wood on the floor, old lights, little sunshine trying to coming from little windows was on the roof. There wasn’t much to explain but she just let the atmosphere to fill her soul up. She allowed move the time a bit forward, when she would studying with her new friends which were more friendly. She almost saw people who she would call ‘close friends’ on the up coming weeks and then had it all away in the smoke of the fantasies.

She looked around curiosly, during 40 mins bus trip to get back the house. How many times would she have catched the bus that early in the evening or day, to leave the city lights and go home? She couldn’t wait to see all seasons pass by there while looking at the buildings, and the trees, and the flowers.

Some quick updates

Oh hello WordPress, long time no see? Anyway, I really feel like I should post something. Even it seems weird about feeling the need to post, whatever. I’m currently in the first part of my exam week. A little anxious, stressed, rushing, and struggling with the unexpected feelings of life. I am working on my German classes now, and not regretting of to spend enough time. Guess being a nerd could be something like this. But good side on that and what people don’t get it mostly that, studying simply leads me to other things I’d love to learn. Anyway, what else is new?

In short: I worked a lot on myself and rediscovered my incredible passion for life. First, my grannies sickness made me realise how life could passed so so quick, while I was procrastinating through irreleveant things. I know I should post this blog with a special headlines for her but in everytime I try, pain failed me to write. I never thought I could lose her and my whole world was about to fall into my head. After heard her good news, with my highest thanks to God I decided to enjoy casual explorations of life more, to cook much more, spend more time with family, which could make my every day more precious.

I usually struggle to make myself calm but it doesn’t really matter because everything changes quickly. If I was writing this page 2-3 months ago, I would be desperately unhappy, as nothing had gone as I planned. At some point, I just made my way into this as things changes due to how we take them. If something is just not going, how you could possibly still insist to make it in your own way? Sadly, came to realise that mother nature is working very different. So, ‘just do what you think you should do and don’t think the rest’ theory seems the best. Making plans might give you more satisfied future,(or maybe not), however it simultaneously makes another thing: you’re forgetting every second has same value and deserve to be spended in best way.

However, a few things positively changed in the 24 years: I care about little details in life much more which makes me freak out some time, hence I believe it attaches me life more deeply. If whole human being process is about to experience something new, that we should further our knowledge with sharing our stories, thoughts, ideas, places, foods, books that we should help each other make memories and plans for a great future together.

By any means, I haven’t achieved all my battles, but I feel like I’m finally process moving towards very positive direction. I have accepted that my life is going to be imperfect, unique, and beautiful; my mission is just to make everyday can be more amazing than one before. This wordpress page is part of that project to rediscover myself and the world around me. Finally, cherry blossoms of this warm April days rock my world.